What if your inner critic isn’t your enemy?

So often we are told to ignore our inner critic, to silence her (or his) voice, because what they are saying is just holding you back. We’re told to ignore it because it makes you feel bad, and isn’t true, shouldn’t be believed, is just negative thinking

And of course that might be true.

The voice of the inner critic might well be telling you of all that could go wrong and blaming it on your perceived weaknesses or imagined failures, and that might well stop you from doing things. It is very likely that she is saying negative things and that it makes you feel really bad.

But what if her motivation isn’t to hurt you?

What if her motivation is to care for you?

Today I sat and wrote in my journal about the person inside me who is shouting right now (and boy, was she shouting at me). I let her talk for five long pages about how I act, how I look and the life choices I’ve made up to now. I let her rant on for pages in my diary telling me what I should do differently, what she feared might happen or has happened and what I should do about it. Pages and pages of shoulds, musts and oughts.

In my mind I could see her pinched mouth, her frown lines, her care worn face. She reminded me of a tired, strung out and stressed mother. A mother who was telling her child to ‘buck her ideas up’. Telling her child what to do and how to be.

And so I asked her why she wanted me to be different, why she wanted me to have made different choices.

And her answers were unexpected. She told me that she wanted the best for me. She wanted me to be happy, to be safe, to be loved. She wanted me to have all the comforts in the world, to have all the excitement and adventures I wanted. She wanted others to love me and to care for and about me. She wanted others to see my caring heart and to realise I am loveable.

So she isn’t my enemy. She cares deeply about me. But she goes about it in an unhelpful way.

Does your inner critic do the same?

Maybe you could ask her (or him); What does she want for you? Why is she wanting you to do these things? Why does she want you to be different?

And if you listen long enough, maybe you’ll hear what it is that she really wants for you - maybe it’s about safety, maybe it’s about love, maybe it’s about opportunities.

Whatever it is, just maybe she’ll also turn out to be on your side.

And like any critic, you can always ignore her anyway. Or maybe you can, as I did, thank her. Thank her for caring. Thank her for her efforts to keep you safe, to ensure you are loved, and to give you all that is wonderful. Thank her for loving you.

May you have all that is wonderful. May you be safe. May you be loved.

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